


Mending The Broken

by laufeyslut



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers - Freeform, Fluff, Gay, Infinity War, M/M, Marvel - Freeform, Marvel Cinematic Universe - Freeform, Peter Parker - Freeform, Post- Civil War, Pre-Infinity War, Stony - Freeform, The Avengers - Freeform, natasha romanov - Freeform, pre- thanos, steve rogers - Freeform, thanos - Freeform, tony stark - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 16:07:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14115984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laufeyslut/pseuds/laufeyslut
Summary: Tony knows he’s going to see him. It’s inevitable. This is an all hands on deck situation. But that doesn’t make it any easier, or any fucking better. It’s been three years. Three shit-filled years, and now he’s finally gonna be here again.Steve.It’ll actually be him. His eyes. His face. His body. His voice. He’ll be there. Not any of those goddamn dreams or hallucinations or visions or whatever Tony’s been having. It’ll be him .Tony’s excited. He hates that.It's been three years since Tony and Steve have seen each other. But when a threat is imminent, and they need all the help they can get, the two have to face each other again. This is the story of what happens as they try to understand what happened, and where they stand now.





	Mending The Broken

Tony knows he’s going to see him. It’s inevitable. This is an _all hands on deck_ situation. But that doesn’t make it any easier, or any fucking better. It’s been three years. Three shit-filled years, and now he’s finally gonna be here again.

Steve.

It’ll actually be him. His eyes. His face. His body. His voice. He’ll be there. Not any of those goddamn dreams or hallucinations or visions or whatever Tony’s been having. It’ll be _him_.

Tony’s excited. He hates that.

Steve doesn’t deserve Tony’s excitement. Not after what happened. He deserves Tony’s anger. His rage. His hatred. He deserves to understand how fucking broken Tony is because of him, how hurt he is. He deserves to suffer just like Tony did.

_I hate you, Steve Rogers. I hate you, Steve. I hate you. I hate- I-_

_I love you. God, I love you_.

It was Natasha’s idea to have almost all the original team meet up and figure out what to do. And now here Tony was, watching his fingers drum on the table, too scared to look up and feeling his body tense whenever someone walked in the room. But it was never him. Not yet.

But then it was.

The door opened, and Tony swore he could _feel_ that it was him. God, he hated that. But he didn’t look up. He couldn’t. He could barely breathe just sitting there. Steve didn’t move, eyes on Tony as he stood by the door, and Tony kept his eyes trained on the table, not daring to look up. He knew if he did, he’d break down. It would all break down. He couldn’t handle that.

Three fucking years.

“I’m… gonna go take care of some issues outside. You two talk. Please.” Natasha finally broke the painful silence, and left the room, the door quietly clicking shut behind her.

Neither men said anything for a long time, and the silence screamed at them. After awhile, Steve finally moved from the door and sat down, but it was the farthest chair from Tony. Tony still wouldn’t look at him, eyes locked on his fingers that tapped the table over and over again.

Then finally, the silence was broken, “Tony..”

“Don’t. Don’t you fucking dare. I don’t want to hear it. Not after what you did. And then, after that, it just got worse. You’ve been gone for three years. THREE YEARS, STEVE. Shit like this doesn’t just go away with some bullshit apology-” Tony looked up now, and he wished he hadn’t. He looks different. Jesus, so different. It’s just so clear taking care of himself didn’t matter in the last while, and Tony’s surprised to realize _Steve can grow a beard_. It’s thick and dark and Tony loves it, and he wants to tear himself apart for that.

Steve’s hair is longer, and there’s a strand in his face that Tony has to physically restrain himself from pushing away. And his face- God, Steve’s face is the most painful thing Tony thinks he’s ever seen. He’s still so breathtakingly beautiful, even with that broken expression on his face.

Before he can stop himself, Tony’s brain tells him to _make it stop. Make it better. Make_ **_him_ ** _better. Fix this._ He shakes the thoughts out faster than they came.

_Why do I have to fix this? I’m not the one at fault. It was Steve who chose someone else, it was Steve that nearly killed me, it was_ **_Steve_ ** _who left. Not me_.

Tony looks away again. He can’t handle it. He lets out a shaky breath, and closes his eyes. He was supposed to have gotten better. The anxiety was supposed to stop controlling him every time things got a little too much. But here he was, chest tightening and hands trembling.

Steve knows what’s happening to him, he knows the signs. Hell, if they weren’t in these circumstances, he’d be over there, pulling Tony in his arms, talking him through it like he used to. But it isn’t back then, anymore. So much has changed.

“I- I can’t do this, Steve. This wasn’t a good idea. There’s- God, it’s been _three years_. You fucking broke me. And then you left me to pick up the pieces. And, well, I don’t think I got ‘em all.” Tony says matter-of-factly, not looking at Steve again. He stands up, eyes on the door, and tries to get the hell out of there as fast as he possibly can.

But a strong hand wrapped around his forearm keeps him from his escape.

Tony looks at the hand, eyes following up the arm, the shoulder, the neck, then finally, his eyes land on Steve’s face. Steve has a desperate pain in his eyes, and they scream _I’m so sorry, please don’t leave_.

“Let go of me. You lost your touching privileges a long time ago.” Tony spits, mind taking him back to all the times they made love. All the gentle touches and kisses, all the times Steve made him feel so good, so loved, he thought he’d never be able to get over it. He still hadn’t.

Steve instantly lets go, but where he’s standing, it’s impossible for Tony to get out. Steve knows that, he did it on purpose.

“Steve, get the hell out of my way. I’m not doing this.” Tony warns. He doesn’t want to hurt Steve, never has, even now, after everything, but he’s pretty sure he’ll do anything to get out of this room right now.

“No, you are doing this. _We’re_ going to do this.”

Tony’s angry. God, he’s pissed. He hates himself for being so happy to see Steve, and he hates the fact that even after their last encounter, he’s sure he’d do anything Steve asked him to. Fuck Steve. Fuck him for getting into Tony’s head. Into his heart. Into his very soul.

“Why the hell should we?!” Tony all but screams. Steve has a fierceness in his face, and Tony recognizes it well. He’s determined. Determined to do what, Tony doesn’t know. But it scares him and thrills him all at once.

“Because I love you!” Steve exclaims.

Tony freezes. It’s been so long since he’d heard those words. Heard them from him. It tears him apart inside, in the most hurtful and blissful mix of pain and glee he’s ever felt. He clenches his fists, trying to get his brain to work. Trying to function normally. But he can’t. He’s panicking. Nothing’s working how he wants it to.

“If you love me, then _why?_ ” Tony whispers.

“I’ll never have a good enough explanation. I know I won’t. What I did was…” Steve shook his head, sighing, “Bucky, he- he was the last connection to my old life. Before I went into the ice. Having him back, it just.. I don’t know, it triggers something in me. Brings me back to then. It makes me weak, vulnerable. Not myself. But that’s not an excuse, okay? What I did was… I don’t expect you to forgive me.” Steve grabbed Tony’s hands, running his fingers over the soft skin. Tony wants to pull away, but his brain doesn’t seem to be controlling his body anymore, “But I couldn’t handle it if I didn’t try to make amends.”

“You tried to kill me.” Is all Tony can choke out. Steve let out a defeated sigh, squeezing Tony’s hands.

“I-I didn’t- I wouldn’t have-” Another sigh, “Jesus, Tony. I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry. You have no idea. That is the worst mistake I have ever made. I love you so much. I don’t expect you to forgive me, or to even put up with me, and I promise I wouldn’t be here unless I had to-”

“No, shut up,” Tony cut him off, “It’s my turn.”

Steve nodded, shutting his mouth.

“You chose him over me. Do you know how much that hurt? I loved you with everything inside me, and you chose the man who _killed my parents_ instead of me. You tore me apart, Steve. And then after that, it just got worse. For three years, I had to sleep alone. No, scratch that. I didn’t sleep. The nightmares were too much. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t even think. I felt numb, I wasn’t whole. Three. Fucking. Years. I hated you. God, I hated you. I was so angry. But then I wondered what you were doing, how you were. And that just made me angrier, because you don’t deserve my worry anymore. I thought I was done. I was finally getting better. I was feeling good, I’ve got this kid- this amazing, wonderful kid that I’m mentoring. My life was finally getting back on track. Without you. And I was starting to accept that that was okay. After so long of _knowing_ that I couldn’t do this alone, that I needed you, my mind finally had clicked and I knew I could make it without you. But then you walked into this room, and everything fell apart. Once again, you tore everything down, and I know- God, just like I always knew- I know that I need you. I know that without you, my life isn’t whole. And I hate that. Because I want to be pissed at you. I want to scream at you. I want to hurt you as much as you hurt me.” Tony can’t stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. How could he? He’s kept them in so long, “But all I can do is love you. I love you. I can’t stop it. And I’m so tired, God, I’m so fucking tired of having to try to hate you and be angry. I don’t accept your apology, because that isn’t fucking okay. What happened to us isn’t okay. But I… I accept you. I always will accept you.” Tony lets out a shaky breath, wiping his face, “You’re it for me, Steve.”

Steve wipes his own tears from his face, letting out a deep breath. He places his hand on Tony’s cheek, swiping a tear away with his thumb. “God, I love you. I’m so sorry, Tony.” Steve whispered, furrowing his brows.

Tony lets out a light laugh, one that mixes with a sob, and he shakes his head, “Please don’t leave me again.”

Steve brings both his hands to the sides of Tony’s face, resting his forehead against the shorter man’s, “Never. Never. God, I won’t ever leave again. I promise.”

And just like that, Tony leaned up, pressing his lips against Steve’s. It was a gentle kiss, soft touches and quiet sighs, and they slowly kissed as they tried to reconnect their souls.

And as Tony tangled his fingers in Steve’s longer- sexier, if he was being honest, hair, he couldn’t help but think that maybe everything would be alright.

 

It wasn’t.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
